Capital Metro's Bag O' Urine
This is one of my favorite found documents of all time. I didn't actually find it -- Justin Ward, a former Daily Texan colleague who now writes for The Austin Chronicle, found it in the course of his own research. One day he posted this document on the wall, and I surreptitiously copied it, scanned it, and now I share it. I have absolutely no idea of its context.
This document outlines the March 10, 2004 hearing that resulted in the "suspension" and "final written warning before termination" of Boniface Nnaji, who appears to be a bus driver for CapMetro. These are the "facts," according to the document:
On March 3, 2004, Mr. Nnaji parked his bus, No. 9107, with the other CapMetro buses, but (unintentionally or not) left an item on-board: "a trash bug full of his urine." Mr. Nnaji claimed he "had meant to take the urine to a lab for a medical test and that he had forgotten his specimen cup." To verify, he told his boss he'd bring him a specimen cup.
Two days later, Mr. Nnaji "brought in a specimen cup dated 12/29/2003 with 'Semen Analysis Kit' marked on it" to his boss. The boss seemingly found this unfunny, and suspended Mr. Nnaji for five days.
The idea of a trash bag on a bus is divinely hilarious, and Mr. Nnaji's excuse for its presence is pretty ridiculous. After some soul searching, I can offer two possible explanations: 1) Mr. Nnaji was rushing to finish a route and had to be back somewhere quickly, had to tinkle, and pissed in a trash bag on board; 2) Mr. Nnaji is a friend of R. Kelly.
Pontificating aside, here is the document:
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